Be Careful What You Wish For…
Because the Universe is always listening
Just last week I was talking to my work colleagues (aka soul sisters) about my recent experiences at my salsa dance classes. I’ve participated in 7-8 classes, and I have enjoyed every one of them – even when I fail dismally to know my right foot from my left! It’s the funnest way I know to get out of my overthinking mind and into my body. (And yes, ‘funnest’ is a word. I checked!)
In sharing my experiences, I mentioned that I have always wanted to learn a proper dance to a song, one that is choreographed with a beginning, middle and end. I love watching all kinds of dance styles and even though I’m very late in the game, something about learning a complete dance routine has always been a whimsical fantasy of mine.
And then yesterday, the latest newsletter from my dance instructor, Felix, arrived in my inbox. There, right at the bottom was a link to join a team of salsa dancers to learn a 2–3-minute dance routine and to ultimately perform it - on stage(!) - at the dance school’s annual gala event!
Well! Talk about getting what you asked for! I was simultaneously excited and terrified: excited to apply and terrified to apply. I mean, who am I to put my hand up to do this? After all, I’m 63 years old and who wants to see a 63-year-old salsa dancer? I must be out of mind and/or crazy!
How many times has something like this happened in your life, where an opportunity comes up to do something you have openly or secretly always wanted to do but were too afraid to? Even though you may get butterflies of anticipation at the mere thought of you actually giving it a go, your ‘sensible’ alter-ego steps in and reminds you why you can’t: you’re too young or too old, too tall or not tall enough, too shy, too inexperienced and so on. My favourite two objections are ‘You’re not that kind of person’ and ‘What would people think?’
All those objections and reasons that magically materialize in these situations are signs of the parameters of your comfort zone. And the role of your comfort zone is to keep you safe and protect you from being hurt. Like the name implies, all is comfortable and cozy in your comfort zone with no surprises to hurl you into uncharted waters. Safe, predictable, with no stress and no worries.
Except Life occasionally sneaks up and comes knocking on the perimeters of your comfort zone, inviting you to come out and play a different game. That different game isn’t always an activity, like dancing or joining a club etc.; sometimes it’s about not doing. For example, if you’re a very sociable and out-there type of person who loves trying new things, perhaps the challenge is to be in your own company for a while, simply sitting by yourself, witnessing the mind’s incessant chatter. Trust me, this is not easy or comfortable.
Conversely, if you’re a little more introverted, participating or doing something novel from your perspective can be equally uncomfortable, especially if it means being seen by others. Public speaking, for example.
I believe that we have all stepped outside our comfort zones throughout our lives, whether it was voluntary or not. If you look back on your life, I am sure you will find times when you answered the call to move beyond what you thought you could accomplish and thus pushed the boundaries of your comfort zone just that bit further and wider. In reality, there is no outer limit to where those boundaries lie – it’s up to you and it’s your choice entirely.
It’s all about stretching yourself ‘one comfort zone at a time’ – a phrase I came up with for myself earlier this year. You don’t have to force yourself to do something radical if that’s not your thing; baby steps are just as effective. Over time, small changes make big differences.
As I look back at the last couple of years, I can see how I have pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone bit by bit. As I met the challenge to move outside my boundaries, it was like my arms were unfurling like the wings of a butterfly, feeling myself expanding and opening up, creating space to receive rather than being contracted and huddled in my protective cocoon.
By all accounts, they weren’t big things. For example, I started an Instagram account, I posted videos of myself, I joined a dating app, I went on actual dates(!), I facilitated a couple of workshops, and this year I joined salsa dance classes. Each time I was surprised at how much easier it was to push through and ‘just do it’ compared to the fearful thoughts and scenarios in my imagination.
When you deliberately put yourself in an uncomfortable situation stepping outside your comfort zone, there is no time for fearful thoughts and objections; your attention is on the task in front of you. You just do it. Whether you do it badly or brilliantly is irrelevant – the only thing that matters is that you challenged yourself, you had the courage to do something that was a little (or a lot) scary and you deserve to be proud of yourself.
What I have found is that the negative self-talk does not stop no matter how many boundaries you cross. It might get quieter, it might change tactics, but it will still have its say when you encounter something just beyond your threshold of comfort. I’ve adopted the practice of listening to all it has to say and then doing it anyway.
Once in a while it’s good to do something that terrifies you. So today I signed up to be that crazy 63-year-old who wants to learn a salsa dance routine and perform it on stage. And now all is quiet in my mind…