Looking for Healing in All The Wrong Places

The place to look is always within

There are numerous articles and books written about healing – many of which I have read - yet scores of people are still burdened with unhealed wounds, often concealed in the depths of our subconscious. The truth is, we all have unresolved wound issues. It does not matter how well-adjusted you consider yourself to be, it’s part of our human design that we carry and unconsciously store unhealed pain – in our heart as well as in our body.

‘When we encounter difficult times in our lives, often our initial strategy is to simply run away. But we find that our troubles follow us. Paradoxically, one of the best ways to heal is to turn toward that which is injured within us.’ - Jack Kornfield

Unfortunately, society at large misconstrues the purpose of these wounds and the subsequent pain held within them. For the most part, pain is considered as something to be avoided. Thus begins the process of suppression and denial and despite our best efforts, it flourishes unchecked. Our wounds and the pain stored in them are our opportunity for profound personal growth and connection – with ourselves, with others and with God.

But we are not trained to deal with our wounds or the pain, and we are certainly not comfortable witnessing someone else in pain. Our human instinct is to comfort and ease someone in pain, not understanding that feeling that pain is the first step in our healing.

I think there is a lot of misunderstanding around what healing oneself entails and what it means. Healing does not mean you are cured or that you are ‘fixed.’ It means you have come to a place of peace and acceptance for exactly how things are and how they are not. And getting to that place of peace you have to traverse the battlefield within your soul that harbours your darkest fears.

Healing is about cracking open what is still in darkness and puncturing the shield of your wound. We must shed light on the ugly mess within and give it permission to speak to us, and then, with an open heart and with compassion, listen to what it wants to tell us.

‘Healing involves discomfort. But so is refusing to heal. And over time, refusing to heal is always more painful.’ — Resmaa Menakem

This is not easy, nor is it pleasant. But it is necessary if we are genuine about wanting to heal the rifts so evident in our world today. Humanity is suffocating under the weight of disconnection, division and dis-ease and it requires a commitment from those willing to go to battle, not against external forces be it a person or entity, but to enter the vast landscape of their internal world and do the work of their own healing. That is true transformative power. The way to heal the collective is to heal the individual.

‘Each of us has a unique part to play in the healing of the world.’ - Marianne Williamson

I thought that once I had identified and healed some deep core wounds that I would be done. But the healing journey, like any other aspect of Life’s journey, is ongoing until we take our last breath. We are ever-evolving beings, participating in the miracle of existence with all its peaks and valleys, its joys and tragedies. There are no boxes to tick, no to-do lists to complete when it comes to healing. And there is certainly no failure in encountering the same wound for further healing.

While someone might help you identify an unhealed wound, that person cannot heal you. A healer does not heal. A healer does not tell you what you need. A healer does not have all the answers. A healer has not completed her own healing. In the words of Sheree Bliss Tilsley:

‘I will not rescue you.
For you are not powerless.
I will not fix you,
For you are not broken.
I will not heal you,
For I see you, in your wholeness.
I will walk with you through the darkness,
As you remember your light.’

Most of all, a healer holds space for you to find the inner strength and wisdom of your own inner healer. She allows you to feel all that you feel – pain, anger, anguish, grief, heartache; to say all you need to say – the shocking, the obscene, the offensive, the unspoken; and to cry all the tears you need to cry, without censoring or judging any of it.

A healer honours your path and does not interfere with your process until the purge has ended and it is time for you to rest. Make no mistake, it is a gruelling process but it is also surprisingly short-lived and not as terrifying as what we imagine. Fear is what stops us from going into the pain, but in reality, the fear is unfounded. We are much stronger than we realise - but you already know this because you have survived so much already. (Read that last bit again.)

Healing is as much about remembering who you are and what you are capable of, as it is about unburdening your heart and soul. It is about self-forgiveness so you can return to the memory of your wholeness. Healing is the peace that has replaced pain, it is the acceptance that all is in divine order, and that you are part of that divine order. Light has shone through the cracks of your wound and you no longer fear it nor have a need to suppress it.

‘I show my scars so that others know they can heal.’–Rhachelle Nicol

And so it is.